Is your guy out of reach emotionally? You know what I mean. In spite of all of your efforts, is there still a huge gap between you where it matters most? The sad fact is that there are a lot of guys out there in the dating arena (both online and in person) who project that they are open to a relationship, but keep silent about the fact they are emotionally unavailable.
The reasons for this condition are numerous, and no one situation is exactly like the other. However, I want to take a moment and help you identify whether the romantic interest in your life is emotionally unavailable, and what you can do about it.
There is a Lack of Give and Take
More to the point, he takes a lot, and doesn’t seem able of willing to give back. He may take from you in the sex department, but be shut off in the true intimacy department. This might be because he is just an absolute dirt bag, or it could be because you are his security blanket. He is using you to heal from a previous relationship, possibly without even realizing it.
You have needs as well, and if he is never there for you when you need him, then he either doesn’t care, or can’t. Either way, the relationship is going nowhere.
He is Stuck in the Past
Look, you deserve a guy that is in the present: with you. If your date just can’t stop talking about his “ex”, then he is probably not really over her, and until he is, he will not be available to you. Watch for other none verbal hints, like pictures at his home or office, or pictures or text messages saved to his phone. I even heard of a guy that took his date to a certain restaurant and told her that it was his “ex’s” favorite spot!
Then again, you might even get lucky enough to meet a guy who will compare your body to his last girlfriend: and not in a favorable way. If he is stuck on the past, then leave him in yours.
He Dodges Discussions about Commitment
If you bring up commitment on the first date, just about any guy will get a little nervous, but if after months of dating, he is still unwilling to discuss where the relationship is going, it should be a red flag. Does he have a problem claiming you as his girlfriend? Does he introduce you to people as a “friend?” These can be signs that he is not truly available to you emotionally. When you think the time is right, force the question of commitment, and see what he says. If he is unwilling, then end it. You will be better off.
Have you dated a guy like this? How long did it take you to figure it out? What were the tell-tale signs in your case? Please take a moment and share your experience and insight. If you think I am missing something, please don’t hesitate to chime in! This only works with you involved!