In the casual dating scene there is a language used which carries with it the feeling that those involved are not seeking a serious relationship. Here are some examples of that language:
These are not necessarily bad terms. In fact, if you are just looking for casual, relatively meaningless short-term relationships then use them. However, if someone is looking for a long-term, caring, committed relationship, these types of words can send the wrong message entirely.
Look; this is especially important for guys to understand. When you meet a woman you are attracted to, and you think you might want to really get to know her, then watch your words. She will be tuned in to what you say. If she is looking for love, your choice of words can be a real turn off, or the other way around. For example, if the first question you ask is, “So…you wanna hook up later?” No matter what you intended by that question, you run the risk of giving her the impression you are only after sex, and not really interested in the real her. I get it. You don’t want to have to think so much just to ask girl out on a date right? Well, you are going to have to get over that. Women, and men too for that matter, often interpret our intentions by the words we use. They can’t see your thoughts. All they can judge you by is your words. Can you really afford to take a casual approach?
Making the Most of Your First Impression
Time spent learning how to communicate effectively is time well spent. Cheesy pick up lines may work in the movies, and on television, but they don’t work well in real life. Learn how to clearly communicate your intentions to the person you are trying to win. You can overcome a poor first impression, but it will take a lot more work than if you had simply been a little more careful to begin with. When you meet that awesome gal, and you really do want to communicate that you are looking for a serious relationship, here are some things you can do to communicate effectively.
- Avoid the cheese. Just cut it out of your playbook. Give the other person the benefit of an intelligent, mature conversation.
- Be direct. There is nothing wrong with being up front about your desire. If you would like the opportunity to get to know her better, then tell her so. The worst she can say is no.
- Be respectful. You need to show this person that you respect them as an individual. Casual communication may not send that message. “Wanna hook up?” That doesn’t scream respect. That gives the impression that you are only after one thing, and it ain’t her heart!
All of this assumes of course that you are actually looking for love, and not just a quick interaction. Are you a woman who has been approached with this type of casual language? How did it make you feel? Do you think this is strictly a generational thing, or does the way a man talks in fact broadcast intent and respect? I would love to hear your thoughts on the subject. Please leave a comment and let me know if there are any other words or lines used which totally send the wrong message. You may just help some poor guy salvage his future!