Your significant other’s ex is coming into town and he/she wants to go out to dinner with them alone. How do you react?
When we enter into a relationship we are well aware that our significant others had a history before us, they even have exes that they once had a special bond with, it’s just a normal part of life.
The topic of exes can sometimes be a sore point, and it can be hard to think about anyone else besides ourselves being so close to our significant others.
Luckily, most exes fall off the face of the earth into the abyss of the past, never to be seen again. These are the easiest to deal with. You never have to think about them. You could even just pretend that they don’t exist if you really wanted to!
Sometimes they can make an occasional appearance into your other half’s world via email, phone or by posting incredibly obnoxious and irritating things on your their Facebook page. Again, easy to tolerate even though you may feel a slight pang of jealousy – or the urge to stalk their Facebook page (hey, it happens…)
No-one likes to admit that they get jealous, but sometimes the green-eyed monster finds a way to bust through our usually calm and relaxed demeanor and threatens to cause chaos in our happy relationships.
So what happens when the dreaded ex suddenly appears from the past, into reality and wants to go out to dinner with your significant other alone?
The circumstances of the breakup, the history of their relationship and the way your significant other handles this request, is really the defining factor in whether or not it is a HUGE issue. Either way, feelings of insecurity and suspicion are common and can bring out the raving lunatic in all of us.
A friend of mine once joked that a suspicious woman is the most proficient private investigator out there. Once the seed of doubt is planted it can grow like a noxious weed, strangling any hope of keeping the trust between them and their partner.
Men on the other hand, can often deal with their insecurities by reverting back to the caveman era and becoming possessive and controlling, which in turn can also break the trust.
There are so many variables to this situation and in some ways it can seem like you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t.
Nobody wants to tell their other half that they are forbidden to see their ex and come across as a controlling nutjob. But on the other hand, there was an attraction between them at some point – and why do they really want to have dinner now, after all this time?
What it really comes down to, is respect.
Let’s be honest, if the shoe was on the other foot, would your partner have a problem with you meeting up with an ex? Trust is one of those things that has to work both ways. And if we truly respect our partner would we really just expect them to be ok with it.
Have you ever been in this situation?
Did you manage to handle it with dignity and grace? Or did the green-eyed monster escape from within and go on a rampage?