We all experience mild feelings of jealousy throughout our lives. No matter how confident a person is within themselves, or how happy they are in a relationship, the green-eyed monster has a way of rearing its ugly head. And often it doesn’t take much to trigger it!
Your partner may have a few new additions to their Facebook friends list that you don’t know, or even an attractive new colleague at work that makes you bristle at the mere mention of their name.
But is a little bit of jealousy in a relationship such a bad thing? The simple answer is no.
People who can openly communicate about feeling jealously are generally happier within their relationships than those who avoid the topic and become distant. If your jealousy results in you giving your partner more affection (out of love, not the need to claim your possession), your relationship is going to be much stronger than if you let your doubts take over and accuse them of deception or betrayal.
There are two groups that jealousy can be split into. Good jealousy and bad jealousy.
Sometimes in a relationship we can take our partner’s for granted without really meaning to. Sure we know that we love them, but do we make an effort to show them how much they really mean to us? A slight pang of jealousy if we see them talking to someone else, or if another person shows some interest in them, can be a reminder of why we were attracted to them in the first place and can revive those loving feelings.
Bad jealousy is when your jealousy comes from a place of fear and you react to it in a negative way. Instead of using those feelings to your advantage and strengthening your relationship, the jealousy results in a need to be possessive or control the other person, in an attempt to make yourself feel better about the situation. This type of jealousy is extremely damaging and will keep chipping away at your relationship until it reaches its breaking point.
It’s also important to understand the difference between natural jealously, or provoked. Deliberately making your partner jealous to stir the pot, or to reassure yourself of their feelings for you isn’t healthy, and will ultimately be the nail in the coffin for your relationship.
Natural jealousy however, is a healthy emotion and is a normal part of any relationship. It’s how we respond or react to those jealous feelings that transform it from a healthy emotion to a not-so-healthy emotion.
When it comes to jealousy, communication is the key to effectively dealing with the feelings of fear and insecurity. Being able to openly express your feelings in a non-threatening or accusing manner, is an important step to establishing healthy boundaries and understanding each other’s relationship expectations.
NLP is an ideal way to help you understand your jealousy and re-program yourself to deal with it in a productive way, to enhance your relationship – not hinder it.
What unleashes your inner green-eyed monster? How do you deal with it?