Refusing to Accept the Guilt in an Abusive Relationship
Abusers are the lowest form of humanity on the planet. Anyone who would use force to dominate another individual to the point of physical, emotional or sexual abuse is indeed a sad individual. Throughout the years it continues to surprise me how much power these abusive individuals have in the lives of their victims.
I believe one of the reasons abusers can control so effectively is their skillful use of guilt in the life of the one they are tormenting. I have seen countless individuals continue to live under a sense of guilt even years after being “freed” from their abuser.
A Victim is a Victim
This might seem obvious, but unfortunately abusers often convince their victims that they are in fact responsible for the abuse. Imagine that for a moment. They are saying, “I am abusing you, and it is your fault. You deserve it.”
No one deserves to be abused: no one. Abuse is the fault of the abuser, not the victim. If you are in an abusive situation, then you are victim. Don’t accept guilt for something that is not your fault.
Guilt is a Prison
If the abuser can convince their victim of their guilt, then they have effectively imprisoned them indefinitely. Victims of abuse in a relationship can often be convinced that somehow they are what their abuser says they are. They are a loser. They are selfish. They are not enough of “whatever”. The victim actually begins believing they are to blame, and even start to accept the abuse as the just reward for their “faults.”
This can be the hardest jail to break out of. However, if you are being abused in a relationship, you need to know that you are not a prisoner. You do not have to accept what the abuser says about you. You are an individual, and worthy of respect and decency.
The One to Blame
So who is to blame for the abuse? The abuser! There is never a good excuse for someone to hurt another individual. All relationships have troubles. No person is perfect. However, no relationship comes with the permission to abuse, and no personal failure is sufficient reason to excuse it.
It is time to place the guilt on the right party. If you are being abused, it is not your fault. You are not to blame. You are not guilty. The one abusing you bears the guilt for the pain in your life. You deserve so much better than that.
You need to know that love is respect. There is hope, and there are relationships that are built on love rather than abuse. Find a trusted friend or family member to reach out to if you need help. If you can just leave, then do it. You are not alone.
Have you ever been in an abusive situation and felt guilty about it? Have you known someone who was abused but could not be made to see that their abuser was doing something wrong? How did you handle the situation? What helped you get out of that place? Please take a moment to leave some feedback. Someone reading this today may need to hear what you have to say.